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Five Reasons Valentines is the Worst

February 11, 2017

 

So this time last year, in my previous life (pre-MAFS) I also penned 50% of a very different blog (having not married a stranger on national television at this point, what I had to say was slightly different…). However, it seems some themes are eternal, and as February 14th rolls around again, I was reminded of a little something that I’d scribed for Valentine’s Day 2016. 

 

My opinion on many things has changed exponentially in the last twelve months… But apparently not my hatred for Valentine’s. You may call me a cynic, and allude to the fact that I’m dead inside (go ahead, you won’t be the first), but I simply can’t stand it.

 

At 29, I’ve now weathered over a decade of the hearts and flowers holiday… And I’ve ticked off the entire spectrum of status’; new boyfriend, serious boyfriend, casually seeing each other, single, and legally-separated-from-the-stranger-I-married-at-first-sight. 

 

And February 14th, for me anyhow, has always ended up being more than a tad disappointing. That the hurriedly bought roses, and sickly sweet chocolates never felt romantic, but rather, a desperate show of forced affection.

 

Which is madness! In the Valentines Days of yore, I’ve frequently been very happy and committed in my relationship as V-Day rolls around. And whilst the thought of putting on a nice frock, and heading out to a swanky restaurant is normally something I love to do, being crammed into a limited service schedule on a set menu somehow takes the romance away…

 

And then there are the years where you’ve been dateless. We’ve all had them… All sat at home thinking that the world and his wife are holed up in a boutique hotel room being fed chocolate dipped strawberries by Tom Hiddleston (no? Just me then?).

 

So here it is… the five reasons Valentine’s simply is the worst, whether you’re in love or not:

 

The Pressure: Been dating a few months? Is it appropriate to go all out already? You don’t want to be the keen bean with the string quartet serenading your new love, when they proffer a quickly scribbled card bought at the petrol station. Or even if you’re one half of a more seasoned couple, feeling the pressure to come up with something original on your third celebration together that’s not a re-hashing of the previous two years…

 

The Crowds: So you’re trying to tell your soul mate how much you love them? Maybe you’d like to do this at their favourite restaurant, or somewhere you’ve both been dying to try. Make sure you’re not expecting a leisurely dinner, as your table will be available for half the time, with your neighbours twice as close. Because, romance.

 

The Cost: That snug supper, where you can overhear the table next to you argue passive aggressively over the ex-boyfriend that they’ve bumped into on the way in, will be draining your bank account. And not only will that darling corner bistro have upped their prices, to combat the quick turnover, you’ll be stuck with a set menu. Delicious.

 

The Chocolate: In theory, this should sound like an excellent idea. Stuff yourself with chocolate whilst your significant other looks on adoringly. But maybe it’s too close to Christmas, and we’re all just getting those New Year’s resolutions underway… So those heart shaped Hotel Chocolat feel more dooming than decadent.

 

The Roadblocks: Sometimes, just sometimes, life is more than a little bit of a cock-block and gets in the way. That super fun date that was going to totally make sure that this year was the best year ever? Not so best-year-ever when 50% of the participants are struck down with a particularly nasty cold. Nothing kills the romance like soaring temperatures and snotty nights spent sneezing into an entire box of Kleenex. Thanks life. This isn’t how you imagined it going down.

 

But that’s life; it’s not always perfect. It’s not everything a Hallmark card told you it would be. But if you’ve got someone, whether it’s girlfriend, boyfriend, best friend or cat friend (no judgement) life can be pretty great…

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